Sharp Tongue Reviews the Cryptocurrency Circle: A Quantum Entanglement of Leeks and Scythes
- "Decentralization"? No, it's "De-intelligence"!
Bitcoin claims to disrupt traditional finance, but it was first co-opted by Wall Street, with BlackRock transforming into the "Blockchain Revolution Mentor." Institutions shout "anti-inflation" while packaging Bitcoin ETFs as new-style Ponzi schemes. Retail investors are still "recharging their faith" at $100,000, while the big shots are already counting zeros offstage, chuckling: "Leeks, the landscape has opened up, our target is $2 million—after all, drawing a pie doesn't incur taxes!"
- Stablecoins? Clearly cyber parasites of dollar hegemony!
USDT and USDC boast "compliance and transparency" daily, but a check on reserves reveals half is commercial paper and the other half is Schrödinger's bank deposits. When the Federal Reserve raises interest rates, they follow suit; when it lowers rates, they play dead, proving that dollar hegemony hasn't been overturned but has instead become the oxygen tank of the crypto world. PayPal's launch of PYUSD is hailed as a "payment revolution," suggesting it be renamed "PY Trading"—after all, it's all about the same old scamming tactics.
- Technical upgrades? Better called "On-chain Pyramid Scheme Iteration Studies"!
Ethereum upgrades every year, with gas fees skyrocketing, ultimately relying on Layer 2 for salvation, only for Arbitrum and Optimism to first spiral into a crash. Bitcoin DeFi suddenly becomes a hit? It's just miners' incomes halved, rebranding to continue collecting "toll fees." As for "Danksharding," the name sounds like a Danish black workshop, but the actual effect… might as well be renamed "Donate Sharding," since the development team needs to crowdfund their coffee money again.
- Tokenizing everything? Let's start with tokenizing the IQ tax!
RWA (Real World Asset tokenization) sounds grand, but it's essentially just opening an on-chain VIP channel for old money on Wall Street. BlackRock tokenizes government bonds, and retail investors think they can get a piece, only to find the minimum investment is $5 million, purely "exclusive air coins for the wealthy." Real estate tokenization is even more absurd; buying a house on-chain sounds cool, but it's no different from buying a QQ show—after all, it's just code, the difference being QQ shows can change skins.
- AI + Blockchain? Artificial stupidity paired with air coins, a perfect match!
AI trading agents? The code written for "buy high, sell low" ends up as "buy low, sell high," since AI training data consists of the past decade's candlestick charts—learning only human money-losing strategies. Fetch.ai creates a decentralized AI, but the project team themselves first "decentralizes and runs away." As for Apple and Google's blockchain wallets, they merely add another layer of "on-chain naked experience cards" for user privacy, leaving hackers exclaiming, "What a great deed!"
- Crypto IPOs? Old wine in new bottles, Scythe 2.0 goes live!
Coinbase's market cap exceeds $100 billion, not due to technology, but because of "compliance casino license fees." Kraken boasted "trading transparency" before going public, only to be immediately fined by the SEC for being too transparent. The so-called "crypto-friendly legislation" is merely politicians giving Wall Street the green light after receiving lobbying fees: "Previously, scamming leeks was illegal; now, scamming leeks is called 'financial innovation.' Thanks for the legislative meal ticket!"
Conclusion: The Ultimate Philosophy of the Crypto Circle—Schrödinger's Scam
You call it a revolution? The big shots have long turned it into a "financial cosplay reality show." You call it a scam? Yet some people get rich off it (only to go bankrupt quickly). The most genuine consensus in this circle is probably: as long as you run faster than regulation, spin a better story than the truth, and have thicker skin than a white paper, you are the next Satoshi Nakamoto—after all, he has already retreated with 1 million bitcoins, leaving you all to cut each other up on-chain until the end of time.
Suggested renaming: Cryptopium—short-term hallucination, long-term addiction, withdrawal symptoms are deadly.
Everyone just take a look for fun!
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